Have you ever heard Dave Ramsey speak? One of his classic lines is “Deserve is a dirty word”. Have you ever thought about it in that way?
Typically the world encourages us to “Have it Your Way” or reminds you that “You Deserve a Break Today”. Do most people really need to reminder to put themselves first? Isn’t that the typical sinful nature?
Here are some titles for magazines for women:
Self
Me
All You
Allure
First
More
She
Notice a trend here? Buying into this mentality really wreaks havoc on our spiritual life. When we start thinking about what we deserve in the worldly sense, we start a journey on a difficult path that generally leads to dissatisfaction, depression, envy, regret, uneasiness, unhappiness, discontentment, displeasure, fretfulness, restlessness. How quickly we can become dissatisfied with our house, job, spouse, children, vehicle, friends, etc.
If we think about what we deserve in the spiritual sense, it really can put a positive spin on the way we look at others. God graciously extends His forgiveness to us and there is nothing we have done or can do to deserve it. Isn’t that Good News? Contemplating God’s graciousness to us really calls us to consider whether we are sharing that same grace with others and learn how to be content with God’s provisions.
The next time someone causes you a little grief, consider giving them something they don’t ‘deserve’ ~ give them a break, cut them some slack. Maybe they are in a circumstance where they would benefit from God’s compassionate grace and you are the person called to extend it!
8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love. 9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever; 10he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities. 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him; 12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
Have you ever felt unnecessarily squeezed into a painful circumstance only to realize later that God used that time to deepen and shape your character in profound ways?
A friend recently reminded me about a very difficult time in her life she looks back on and knows she was in God’s Classroom. Sure, there were things she needed to work on–she won’t deny that. But she found herself in the midst of a Frank Peretti type novel in the small town God placed her in. Significant spiritual warfare. Generational ugliness. Betrayed families. And yet, some of the most depth to relationships she has ever felt occurred there. It seemed that the whole community was undergoing significant shifts regarding what was True and Right and Godly. It’s amazing how God can teach His Truths to all but the lessons are so individualized, while being inexplicably connected to one another.
Ever been a pupil in God’s Classroom? Sometimes it is just a word or verse that seems to be popping up everywhere. Sometimes it happens as a consequence when your incredible selfishness and arrogance makes a grand debut into the lives of others. Other times, through no fault of yours, you find yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time and in the middle of a spiritual mess.
Step back and take a look at who is ‘in class’ with you. Sometimes you have already learned what they are learning now. Maybe they have walked a path you will soon be walking. There is no coincidence that the people around you are in your life. Some you need to learn from. Others you need to model to.
What is God teaching you today? There is always something to learn!
Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:4-5
Is there a person in your life you find hard to love? Could it be a boss, co-worker, sibling, child, spouse? Are they just a little rough around the edges? Are they frustrating to deal with? Do you find yourself being ugly when you are around them?
It’s not that I don’t like you…I don’t like who I become when I am with you.
Do you have the courage to admit that you become ugly when dealing with certain people? Willing to own up to your own behavior? Interested in seeking forgiveness and starting again?
God can work a change in your heart toward a person you find hard to love. Here are some steps:
Admit your challenge. Confess it to God. God sees it and others probably see it as well.
Pray for God’s heart and love and perspective for this person.
Pray for this person by name each day for three weeks.
Ask a trusted friend to pray for you concerning this situation.
Recall the times you have been hard-to-love and thank God for loving you even though you didn’t ‘earn’ it.
If you are really daring and really committed to changing, ask someone who knows you and the situation to give you their perspective and allow them to be honest. Ask them to hold you accountable if they see you being ugly.
He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD. Psalm 40:3
May you sing a New Song of God’s love and forgiveness and grace as you deal with the harder-to-love people in your life!
As you have reflected back on last year have you pondered what went well and what didn’t? Are there things you know you need to change in your life but you haven’t made a move to start the process? Are there things you wish you would have done? Conversations you wish you wouldn’t have started? Actions you took that you wish you would have contemplated longer?
I am pretty introspective so I love the opportunity to reflect on my words and actions. Well, I don’t love it…because sometimes I am embarrassed as I look back on the things I have said and done. Being quick witted is not always a gift. And sarcasm? Well, let’s just say I have been guilty of sharing my words too liberally. I can build bridges with my words but, regrettably, I don’t always choose to do that.
I am definitely a work in progress.
If you have been my friend for a while you know that PrayerPoints have been around for a number of years and are typically a daily event during the Lenten season. Last year I was in Hungary for the month leading up to Easter and since we did not have regular access to the
Internet while we were traveling I took a break from the routine. I have missed it!
PrayerPoints are something I need in my life. I don’t know that I necessarily need to share them with the world but I certainly have the need to write them. The process of writing helps me keep a little order in my mind. And I guess I figure I might as well share what I am learning just in case it helps someone else. It isn’t much work for me because I feel like God is teaching me things all the time if I would just take a minute from life to listen and pray. I miss PrayerPoints when I am not writing them so that tells me it is a place where I need to put my energy for now.
So here we are. I have a crazy busy year but I love PrayerPoints.
What have you been missing in your life? Is it time to add it back in?
Have you ever had your heart ache over a situation?
If you have shared with me a painful event in your life at some point over the last 30+ years, I have felt your pain. Did I know exactly what you felt or experienced? No, absolutely not. But I know me and I know my heart actually aches and is sometimes overwhelmed when someone I care about walks through a difficult trial.
Empathy is a good thing in relationships. Walking along someone who is struggling is a hard but an important element in friendship. But it is equally important for me not to be consumed by the pain of another.
When I have family and friends experiencing deep pain and loss it is hard for me to watch. It would be wonderful to be able to take the pain away but that is not my place. My role is to pray for and encourage them. There is only One who can truly take that pain and the yuck and rework it for His good.
Do you know a friend in a hard, hard place? Love them. Pray for them. Encourage them. And if you are in a position to offer your ear, listen to them. If you are led, do a little legwork for them to find some useful resources for their situation. You won’t likely be able to fix their problems and that is ok. Know your limitations and recognize that your ability to care for them may be limited by time, space, and healthy boundaries.
There are many difficult things that happen as we live our lives but walking through life with a friend makes it easier to get through some of those challenges.
This week, pray for your friends and the challenges they are experiencing!
“Hope for the Best. Expect the worst. Life is a play. We’re unrehearsed.” ― Mel Brooks.
It’s funny. You dream of a day, a meal, an experience, a career and it doesn’t turn out the way you expected AT ALL!
Now what?
Sometimes we aim too low on our expectations and we are pleasantly surprised. Other times, and likely much more frequently, we expect too much from something or someone and it doesn’t happen the way we hoped.
Let the wailing and gnashing of teeth begin!
Expectations can be the death of a relationship (and sometimes that is ok) but a dose of reality is always important.
Take my most recent haircut, for example.
I always agonize when we relocate because it surely means two things: I need to find a new mechanic I can trust and I need to find a new person to cut my hair in a way that looks good on me.
Ugh on both points!
What I was going for….
I have been avoiding a haircut since September when we moved. I did break down and get a trim in February but that is all I had the courage to do before yesterday. And by yesterday I was already way overdue for a haircut. I called in the morning and she could take me at 1:30 the same day. Wow! I was excited! I even had this photo as an example of the cut and style I was interested in.
What I look like now!
Granted, I was not going to wear makeup and I was not dressed quite as fancy and I don’t have the same smile BUT this is what I walked out with:
I guess it is close, but not close enough to what I was hoping for. This experience reminded me of some important truths:
We are working with people who most often do not always see things from the same perspective or we have more confidence in them than is warranted.
And let’s take it a step further: We are dealing with people who have some deep wounds we don’t know about or they think have been healed or ____________ (fill in the blank)!
Working with human beings is pretty tricky stuff. When we are deep in a relationship with someone we sometimes experience some very difficult things with them. Other times we miss things that are very important for others because we are in the middle of our own stuff. All of that messes with expectations: yours, mine, and theirs.
Pay attention to your relational expectations. Even if they are truly justified and reasonable, sometimes the other party is not in the same book as you, let alone on the same page.
I do believe God’s grace covers a multitude of sins. I have a multitude of my own sins to worry about. So while I might want to stomp around being ‘justified’ about my irritations or aggravations I most often need to move along and let God work on me and my attitude. As I ponder His grace poured out on me and my life, it feels pretty stingy to withhold it from others.
Are you struggling with expectations today? How do you work through those times of disappointment when you or others have “dropped the ball” or intentionally challenged your hopes and dreams?
When I am in a good space, I tend to seek God on the matter. When I struggle with it the most it seems I have drifted a bit from God’s perspective.
As for my hair, I just have to wait for it to grow out. I suspect that strategy of waiting (and praying) works well with a multitude of unmet expectations. I trust that God will work it out even when I can’t possibly see the solution.
Elizabeth, Hannah and I will be visiting our relatives in Hungary and working on our conversational Hungarian for the month of March so I will not be posting during that time.
You can pray for:
Our travel
Our language acquisition
Our health
Our relatives (who will be letting us hang out with and learn from them! Most of them do not speak English so it is important we are able to communicate with the Hungarian we do know — and will be learning!)
Please feel free to pray for anything else that comes to mind. We are excited about our trip but we are also a wee bit nervous!
If you are on Instagram and you want to see what we are up to, you can follow MagyarMarketing (our business account) or #mmhungary2014 which will allow you to see each of our perspectives because the girls will also be posting pics.
Compromise happens at work, at home, in friendships, at church, and driving during rush hour…you have a place you are trying to get to and someone barrels in with their plan. Do you cause an accident or let them merge?
Everyone must be willing to compromise in some areas but determining when it is appropriate is so tricky! There are also times when compromise shouldn’t happen and that is equally as important. Some personalities love to be in charge and being willing to concede is extraordinarily painful for them but all the more necessary. Other personalities so desire peace (or acceptance, etc.) that they are open to compromising too much and that can cause problems. Who you are and who you are dealing with are very important things to consider in this business of compromise in addition to “the compromise” itself.
Does your compromise actually stand in the way of what you hope to achieve? Are there fears and regrets in the middle of the compromise? Are you surrendering your better judgement or core values? Some things are really not that important and other things can change the course of your life…forever.
So what if you find yourself in a situation where you have compromised a little too much, are experiencing regret, and are having a difficult time getting back to “the line in the sand” you had previously established? Maybe establishing “the line” wasn’t important previously but as you grow and mature you see the benefit from having a boundary. Ponder the situation. Pray about the situation. If your heart is restless, I would guess that the compromise you struggle with is probably more than should have been surrendered. Sometimes you can ask yourself “How do I wish this situation looked right now?” and that might give you a clue to what you should be working towards. Have you talked it over with a trusted and wise friend? Have you visited with a trained counselor?
Boundaries can change over time and there are times they definitely should. Consider a parent who is in charge of their child’s every day. Typically, the day will come when that child moves away. Has the parent given them wings to fly when the time comes by allowing the child (young adult, adult) increasing opportunity to make decisions and grow in being responsible for themselves? This is tricky business for parents but it can also be difficult at work, as you volunteer, and in many other relationships. Too much compromise can lead to regret and anger and an unsettling feeling. Too little compromise can lead to relationship challenges.
Pray for those you see compromising too much. Pray for those who are too often unyielding to ideas that don’t come from their own mind. Both extremes have their challenges. Spend some time thinking about your life and your compromises. If you are struggling with regret, seek God’s forgiveness. If you are struggling with anger, seek God’s peace.
You may have heard that our sweet Landon proposed to his sweet Grace. Oh, we knew it was coming….they have been dating quite a few years and are hopelessly devoted to one another. That devotion will carry them through the inevitable ups and downs they will encounter in this life.
Disclaimer: I am not trying to sneakily communicate to Landon and Grace through this post–I have been saying stuff like this for years to all of our kids, so they know my spiel! But we are seeing a lot of engagements this year and I have just have a couple of things on my mind.
Just so you know, Grace accepted Landon’s offer! We love Grace and we love her family and we are looking forward to the big party in November! Landon and Grace are in the throes of planning because this wedding is their deal and while we are supportive, if it gets too much for them to plan, then it is probably getting to be too much. Know what I mean? When you are marrying your best friend, everything else is gravy….non-essential…..The meat is in the marriage.
Have you seen the crazy tv shows out there? There is Say Yes to the Dress, Bridezillas, Four Weddings, etc., and with all kinds of things being posted in various media outlets it seems there is a fair amount of pressure to have some fabulous (read: EXPENSIVE) shindig. I am all for fun but I am not all for debt. And some of these potentially beautiful brides act so ugly. I suspect the pressure of juggling everyone’s expectations contributes to this ugliness. Marriage is hard enough work without having the financial burden (and pressure) of wedding and honeymoon debt due to “perfect details”. If you are getting married soon and getting overrun by details keep reminding yourself “I am marrying the person I don’t want to live without and that is the most important detail of the day!” And if you can’t say that, then we have some other talking to do!
Don’t misread what I am saying: There is nothing wrong with having as big and wonderful and detailed a wedding as you can afford to have . . .
but what level of effort and energy and expense goes into the life that follows that sweet day?
I haven’t decided if having Pinterest and wedding planners are good things or not. Ideas are great–particularly ideas that help something be affordable. So, in that sense, Pinterest is great. Wedding Planners? Well, I suppose they may have their place, but it is a tiny place in the corner of a very large universe. Very tiny. Generally speaking, I think wedding planners signal that our lives are way too busy or we are envisioning way too complicated of a day! With all the details and pressure it is no wonder people run off and elope or hire someone to tend to the details! Often mothers and grandmothers and aunts all seem to have their ideas and expectations for an upcoming wedding…and then the guest list…don’t get me started! There are so many difficult decisions to make even for a relatively simple event.
And women aren’t the only ones who are stressed! Think of the pressure guys are under to be romantic and have a photographer sneakily snapping some photos of his perfect proposal. Never mind the guy has just had to find and pay for a ring and come up with some clever way to declare his undying love and affection (think of some of the proposals that are super public–like on the big screen at a ball game…oh boy…)
Talk about pressure….
And we haven’t even touched on the wedding yet—the date, the wedding party decisions and discussions, the colors, the food and beverages, the readings, the vows, the musicians, the honeymoon… So much preparation goes into the day. And for those who love to plan this kind of stuff–they are in their element. For others it can be a challenge.
Any discussion on budgets and debt and what are our dreams and goals for this life? What about children? What about education or travel? What about church? What about your history and how will it impact your future? What about volunteering? Do you have a place to live? Do you have enough for the bills and savings? Do you have a contingency plan? Are you committed for the long haul???
I think if you are utterly exhausted by the planning of the wedding you might need to re-evaulate your efforts. If the meat is in the marriage then everything else is really gravy. And I believe the day should be simple enough that you enjoy it without getting stressed about too many details!
Think of the effort invested in the proposal, engagement, wedding and honeymoon….are you committed to putting all that and more into your marriage?
Marriage will take more of you than you thought you had to give and will reveal your selfishness like nothing else. It requires sacrifice. It is about compromise.
Are you ever really ready for marriage? I doubt it. One thing that is certain is you need a team effort! And a commitment! If you go overboard trying to figure out if you are ready, well, you probably won’t ever be because, honestly, who ever really is? Having God in the center of your life and marriage can make a significant difference in how you view yourself and your spouse and how you deal with the inevitable conflicts and troubles that will come.
If you have been married for any length of time, what advice do you have for those getting ready for this big adventure?
We are told “do your best”! But what if your best isn’t:
a) good enough?
b) possible?
c) worth the effort given the circumstance/time frame?
d) [fill in the blank]
And how often do you find yourself disappointed in others when they don’t choose to do “their best”?
There are many times I don’t give my best effort. I make plenty of mistakes. Sometimes I am tired and overcommitted. And if I wait to be sure I only “do my best” than some things simply won’t ever be done! Can you relate?
What is good enough? What is close enough? If you berate someone for their effort–even if you know it wasn’t their best effort–what are you accomplishing?
If you have demanded or simply expected the best of others this week it is very likely you were disappointed with the results. Aside from Jesus, perfection isn’t possible. So look at those around around you. Look for ways to encourage and celebrate their contributions. Don’t always try to sneak in correction with a compliment. Recognize that there often isn’t only one right way. Instruction is good but constant instruction can be exhausting to receive.
Have you been too hard on yourself because you have made decisions that weren’t “the best” and they have lead you to a difficult place? I think we probably all have regrets. And some of our concern for others involves our regrets about our own behavior. Most people will not glean as much from the experiences of others as they will from their own experiences, as difficult to watch as that may be. Most people learn life lessons by living their life.
If you have been difficult to live with due to your incredibly high expectations of yourself or others, maybe it is time to re-evaluate your hopes and dreams. Be sure they are closer in line with reality and bathed in God’s love and grace. No one makes the best choice or invests their best effort all the time and your response to those choices will say a lot about the future of your relationship. Your love and grace can make all the difference!
1 Corinthians 13:1-8
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
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