Conflicting opinions

Have you ever had an opinion of someone and have someone tell you they have the complete opposite experience or opinion of the same person?

I know there are multiple sides to people — human being are complex — but to have someone see the person you love (or cannot stand to be near) in the completely opposite way is fascinating.

It’s come up quite a bit lately for me so it seems to be something that God is encouraging me to pay attention to.

I have watched this from a distance. Of course, I have been a bit smug when someone gave me the willies and it turned out they were, indeed, someone whose behaviors would make anyone squirm.

That 360 view helps — all angles does give a better prospective. But, to what end? And, truly, maybe the heart is the most important aspect of it all and only God knows what is in the heart of man.

So, we are left with what we see. And, I don’t know about you, but my vision is not perfect these days.

Discernment is so important. Considering the opinions and experiences of others can also be important but should be taken with a grain of salt.

When I see wildly different opinions on someone I tend to assume that the truth falls somewhere towards the middle. Some people are polarizing. Some people can really be a chameleon. And we are left trying to figure out what is true. And maybe all of it is true.

Maybe ________________ [fill in the blank] showed mostly be their rough exterior but a grandchild was able to experience their tender, loving side.

Maybe ________________ [fill in the blank] grew to be loving and patient and trustworthy but had burned a lot of bridges early on so people who knew them and were impacted by that earlier behavior will not ever trust them again.

Maybe ________________ [fill in the blank] showed a lot of love to a certain group of people from a distance but couldn’t quite muster up any of those warm fuzzies for their family who lived close to them.

Some things are not for us to solve or know. When I hear conflicting opinions about a person, I pay attention. There might even be conflicting opinions about me. I am much slower to change a good opinion to a bad one. But, if there is enough evidence to show the positive in someone I previously would have seen in a negative light, I am open to readjusting my opinion.

We all have our opinions and experiences. It is important to run all of it through God’s perspective. Ask Him to show you what you need to see. Why is all of this coming to your attention? What would He have you learn in this circumstance? And where do you go from here with the knowledge?

God’s perspective is the most important.

The things we cannot change

There are so many things that are done and cannot be undone.

Sometimes, it is heartbreaking to realize that. But it is reality.

A word that has been spoken.

A deed that has been done.

Of course, there are times we can change course and somehow “fix” it. And while that may be helpful and useful and healing, the original wholeness that was messed with won’t probably ever be whole again.

There is a wound. A scar.

The memory of what was done or left undone.

But, there is always God and what He can do.

We just need to recognize that the power rests with Him.

We cannot “man handle” someone else’s response. No “sweet talking” our way in or out of things.

Accepting a reality doesn’t mean we have to like it. But, acknowledging it is a step in the right direction.

Knowing that God goes before me and behind me and hems me in makes the difficult parts of life’s journey more acceptable. It isn’t always fun, but there is joy in the journey.

Lord, help me to trust You to redeem those hard things that cannot be changed. Give me wisdom to know when things are out of my control and trust that You will work out the details.

Cynics, Skeptics, and Discernment

A cynic is a person who habitually expects things to go wrong, or questions the value or worth of things; a person with a negative, pessimistic, or mistrustful outlook. [oed.com]

A skeptic is a person who doesn’t believe something is true unless they see evidence. Skeptics are doubters — they need to see proof before they will believe. [vocabulary.com]

A jaded person has seen enough of a particular situation to know when to move on and try to find something better, a cynic just has an underlying distrust of everything and therefore will not find anything better.

Discernment is the ability to tell things apart—to separate them, even when they appear to be very similar. People with discernment are able to make keen observations about things. Discernment is often thought to be an ability of those with wisdom or experience. It often involves making a judgment, especially about things that aren’t obvious. For example, it takes discernment to accurately judge someone’s character. [dictionary.com]

All of us have been in a situation where we have lost trust in something (an institution) or someone. How we move forward from that experience is really important.

I have certainly been cynical, skeptical, and/or jaded at different points in my life. And when a certain action brings up a feeling I have felt before, I tend to try to discern what the situation is.

I don’t want to be stuck in one of those modes because it truly is against my general nature. However, there are unhealthy people and unhealthy systems out there. During our lives we are bound to run into a number of them.

They are even in the church!

I won’t get into all the details, but, I have been up close and personal in numerous situations where “people of God” were doing some ugly things.

And somehow, my faith in God’s goodness and purity and love was not damaged.

I am so thankful!

Of course, my faith and trust in people has been affected. So, pardon me if I don’t trust so easily.

Having experiences where you come out a bit cynical, skeptical, or jaded might serve to sharpen your discernment. As long as you don’t get stuck in those places it can help you have empathy when people are there.

Let God use all experiences to grow your faith and understanding.

Switching Seats

Have you ever been in a moment of deep frustration over how communication is going with someone?

I sure have! And, thankfully, I have a couple of people I can go to to share my relational dilemmas. I hope you have a few people like that in your life!

Recently, one of my people (Person A) was sharing one of their dilemmas. I have no connection to the person whose actions she was trying to understand (Person B). I think that helps. I am not neutral by any means, but I didn’t have a negative or positive idea about Person B.

As she described the scenario I was trying to think of a word picture to better understand the situation. I came up with one and shared it. As a verbal processor I couldn’t help myself. And, while my idea didn’t hit the mark, sharing it helped. Then I thought a little more about the situation — and really tried to “sit in the seat” of this other person and understand their actions.

Depending on our mood or how deeply we are intwined with a situation we might be able to “switch seats” and look at some potential perspectives of the “offending” party. But, sometimes we might benefit from some help from someone who is a little more neutral and can take a step back and try to look at the dynamics and come up with some possible scenarios. Sometimes “switching seats” will diffuse the situation enough that a calm conversation can happen.

As always, ask God to shed His light, perspective, and discernment on a difficult situation. If it is a very complex one you can also check in with a 3rd party who can be relatively neutral. And sometimes you will need a completely neutral 3rd party. You won’t go wrong if you seek to understand.

I can’t do it all

And, furthermore, I wasn’t designed to. What a relief!

Our culture and sinful nature pushes us to be independent. And that often even means independent from God. It isn’t sustainable. And the isolation becomes unbearable.

Being in community means being connected to others. There is beauty and vulnerability in sharing burdens and blessings, disappointments and joys.

A community doesn’t need to be a huge group of people. It can be just a couple people you can share your heart with. They might be family members, but not always. They might live close by or they might live far away.

But even better than the human community is communion and connection with God! He is always available. He always hears us. He has shared His wisdom through His Word and can transform our hearts and minds and experiences.

I have no desire to do it all. I am only here to do my part. I seek God’s wisdom and grace and gentle leading in the paths I should go.

Discernment

I often consider (rather over consider) what others think about what I am doing. This is a challenge in multiple areas of my life but definitely within the realm of PrayerPoints. You would think that after writing PrayerPoints for 12 or so years (I have totally lost count) that I would know my voice in this space. And if you have been following me for any length of time, you know that things ebb and flow — I come up with a plan to simplify things, but then I lose the spontaneity and, all the while, I am trying to be responsive to the most important voice in the matter — God’s.

But, I am this creature who responds to the rules of man, too. And the discernment of which is which is baffling me at present. PrayerPoints started out as a daily Lenten devotional and it was something I did every morning when I woke up. I would write what was on my heart — where God was working on me. And then, later, it became that thing that I was nervous about and I was thinking ,”Who am I to say anything?” and “Who am I, daring to speak something other than Scripture?” to “What if I am leading someone astray?” to knowing full well that God isn’t like that. He knows I am on this journey with Him. He knows I am growing and struggling and He loves me in and through all of it!

But then I struggled with the idea that I should be more organized and have a plan. And I have been trying spontaneously-planned Mondays — focusing on a verse for the month — being topical — writing more often — and all of the things you have noticed. But, I really think that PrayerPoints felt like the most natural communication was coming when it was a Lenten Devotional that each morning made its appearance in my heart. No planning ahead.

For now, I am going to take an intentional break from PrayerPoints outside of Lent. I am entering a crazy busy season and while I will still try to write down my thoughts on a regular basis, I won’t push the publish button unless something really feels like it should be shared.

I would totally love your feedback about all of this. And, please pray for my discernment!

I assume I will see you March 2nd, 2022 for the next PrayerPoints Lenten devotional series. That seems to be the rhythm that works. But, I am certainly open to what God has to say about that.

God’s peace to you as you navigate these days! I am thankful for God’s grace and care for me and my family. And I encourage you to look for where He is working in your life and heart!

In Him,
Liz

Numbering our Days

A prayer of Moses the man of God.

¹Lord, you have been our dwelling place
    throughout all generations.
²Before the mountains were born
    or you brought forth the whole world,
    from everlasting to everlasting you are God.

³You turn people back to dust,
    saying, “Return to dust, you mortals.”
⁴A thousand years in your sight
    are like a day that has just gone by,
    or like a watch in the night.
⁵Yet you sweep people away in the sleep of death—
    they are like the new grass of the morning:
⁶In the morning it springs up new,
    but by evening it is dry and withered.

⁷We are consumed by your anger
    and terrified by your indignation.
⁸You have set our iniquities before you,
    our secret sins in the light of your presence.
⁹All our days pass away under your wrath;
    we finish our years with a moan.
¹⁰Our days may come to seventy years,
    or eighty, if our strength endures;
yet the best of them are but trouble and sorrow,
    for they quickly pass, and we fly away.
¹¹If only we knew the power of your anger!
    Your wrath is as great as the fear that is your due.
¹²Teach us to number our days,
    that we may gain a heart of wisdom. [Psalm 90:1-12]

“Teach us to number our days…”

Well, if this isn’t the year to number our days! It is interesting to have these days and months of altered and restricted movement. How fast and slow they go by. How fast and yet how slow they add up. And how, while significant, they are so insignificant in the grand scheme of time.

“…that we may gain a heart of wisdom.“

If I am off looking for wisdom in the world, there are many “wise guys” who are wolves in sheeps’ clothing. How do I know who to believe anymore? The opinions, often sold as truths, come from the far left and the far right and at every point in between. What was commonly known and understood before gets ridiculed now. Remember when butter, eggs, and milk were all normal? And remember when they were all vilified? Remember when a completely fabricated chemical spread called “margarine” entered the scene? And, where are we now? Back to basics, living off the land. We are all about “clean” food. Farm-to-table. Ideas — bad and good ones — circulate around every generation or so.

Remember when styrofoam and plastic were the “new answers” for packaging and convenience? And we needed to save the trees and not use wood? And now we have overdosed on plastic (and insane packaging for some products) to the point where it can’t all be recycled. And we are back to using “all natural” products.

I don’t even listen anymore. And that has its dangers, too.

Wisdom comes with discernment — and that takes time to develop. Some discernment comes from experience or trusting the “Hmmm, this doesn’t feel right” feeling. Spiritual wisdom comes from God.

I am thankful I am anchored in Christ. I am thankful I don’t have to have all the answers. I am at the point where I have less life to live than I have already lived. And so, I dig a little deeper into where my hope comes from. My comfort comes from knowing that God has been there from the beginning. He is the Creator. My days are numbered, and I am thankful for that. And while I am here, I will continue to patiently encourage, to deeply love, and to continue to point people to God. It certainly isn’t all I do in this life, but it is the most important thing I do.

Blessings on your week!
Liz

Discerning

²⁰Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers,
and blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord.

²¹The wise in heart are called discerning,
and gracious words promote instruction.

²²Prudence is a fountain of life to the prudent,
but folly brings punishment to fools. Proverbs 16:20-22 NIV

The wisdom in Scripture is right there for us. It always amazes me and I don’t know why because it has been true throughout my life.

God’s Word is timeless, relevant, and true. It’s reliable, instructive, and consistent. And it is sufficient to address our yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

As you seek to understand what is happening in your life, family, community, and world be sure to listen. There are endless perspectives and pain. In fact, it can be overwhelming. There is a lot going on in. But don’t forget to listen with a Biblical perspective. My heart needs to be aligned with God so I can see what He sees and be moved to do His work.

Lord, give me Your eyes!

Perspective

Where I have been can inform me about where I am going. Of course, it isn’t always a sure thing. And that is a good thing.

If I come from a place of pain and I don’t process it properly, I might look for and anticipate pain in all parts of my life. If I come from a place of safety and security, my discernment might not be developed enough to perceive danger. Of course, personality tendencies play a role here, too. We all know a Tigger-type personality. And, we all know those who view the world like Eeyore does.

Oh bother!

Focusing on the negatives typically produces more negative. Experiences, both good and bad, leave their marks on us. How we process them is important. Those negative situations in my life can trip me up so keeping my mind and heart focused on God’s Word helps me be oriented!

⁸Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. [Philippians 4:8-9, NIV]

This will be a two-part PrayerPoint because we will be at the Grand Canyon later on today and I am sure it will provide some further insight.

PrayerPrompt: PERSPECTIVE

A Time to Give Up

A Time for Everything
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 NIV

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Have you ever found yourself trying too hard? There are times in situations that you overwork yourself or take on more responsibility for something, just to make it work. And, in the end, it doesn’t really work and you are exhausted from the attempt.

My Achilles heel is relationships. When I perceive I have made a good connection with a person, the relating comes easy and is very comfortable, even if there are years between seeing one another face-to-face. But there are some relationships that are challenging. As the years have gone by, those are rarely friendships I have initiated, of course. The challenging ones are the ones where I have people in my life because of life, not because I have chosen to be in relationship with them. It might be a work colleague or another volunteer in a church or civic group or a family member and the connection takes an inordinate amount of effort.

It might be okay to surrender the relationship. If you decide to stop working so hard to make it work it is possible the other person will then step in and make the effort. Or not. And then, is it really a relationship worth pursuing?

There are relationships we have to be in and there are relationships we choose to be in. I pray you have a few solid relationships where you can be carefree and encouraged and know you are loved and appreciated. If you have a majority of relationships that are so exhasuting they throw you off kilter, it might be time to consider giving up one or two. Instead of working as if you are the sole contributor to the relationship, “give up” and see if the other person picks up the slack and also invests in it. If they let it go too, it might be an indication that it is time to be done.

Life is short. Be deliberate about where you spend your time and energy. And while all relationships go through bumps in the road, if you are always thrown out of alignment when interacting with some specific people, you might need to rethink how often you want to go down that road.

The wise in heart are called discerning, and gracious words promote instruction. Proverbs 16:21

On the way,

Liz