There are things we have control over and things we don’t.
Learning about my own boundaries (or lack of them, in some cases) is a very good thing. Sometimes it takes an intense situation to recognize where a problem is and, oftentimes, the problem is with me. I want things to go a certain way and they aren’t going that way and then what? I have to decide my next move.
I am not in charge of everything, but I am in charge of my behavior.
First I need to figure out if I really should be calling the shots on a particular thing. Then I need to determine if “my way” is truly the best way. There is usually more than one way to get somewhere.
It’s a lot to sort out and it’s a lifetime of learning for me!
We each have unique gifts and I trust God is refining all of us in His time. I know He is refining me. He is working out those details in my character and in my life. I still have a lot to learn and I do have to do my part, but I also need to trust that God is working out the details, weaving together the different aspects of my life to create something beautiful. It might not be my idea of perfection, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t beautiful.
Jesus is the pioneer and perfecter of my faith!
Unfortunately, it is so easy to get caught up in what we want and are looking for. It is way too easy. Boundaries are healthy and important and we all have a lot to learn about being healthy in relationships, but if the focus is always on us and our ideas, the results will not be eternal.
Instead, let us fix…“our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” [Hebrews 12:2-3 NIV]
It’s nice to feel situated. It is a relief to know things are settled – an old bill, the future (at least in theory), and our hearts.
When I am unsettled and stressed about something, I can get anxious.
How will this play out?
Have I covered all the bases?
What have I forgotten?
What if all my efforts are in vain?
Am I doing enough?
Am I enough?
Have you ever had your mind entertain those types of questions? It can be in human relationships or jobs or even in my relationship with God. Sometimes things “feel” unsettled even though God assures me that they are.
It is important for me to know and remember that God, through Jesus, worked out my salvation. The “bill” there is settled.
Jesus is
“‘the stone you builders rejected, which has become the cornerstone.’
Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.” [Acts 4:11-12 NIV]
Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. [Romans 12:1-2a NIV]
Even though Eccelsiastes 1:9 tells us “there is nothing new under the sun” I am seeing some things I didn’t imagine I would see in my lifetime. I know that makes me sound like an old person. I don’t feel old but I am saddened and shocked by some of the ugliness I see these days. There has always been ugly behavior and I can’t focus on it because I will get disoriented and discouraged. The patterns of this world are sad.
I am in control of what my mind feasts on. If I am looking for the ugliness, I will surely find it. And if I am looking for the beauty, I will surely find that too. I believe we will find what we look for. That critical person you know who is always looking for the wrong in the world? They will surely find it. The person who hunts for the good in every person? They will surely find what they are looking for.
If I am going to get caught dwelling, let me dwell in positive and encouraging worlds and stories and with positive and encouraging people. Some of my spots for encouragement and beauty are:
God’s Word
Nature
Art
Music
Family
Good friends
Heartwarming stories of love, sacrifice, and perseverance
Sometimes we get the opportunity to redo something we haven’t done well but more often than not we are left with an experience that helps make a better decision in the future.
There is a lot of wisdom to be gained from experience if we pay attention. I have some regrets, of course. I think if we are honest, we all do. Some of my regrets relate to missed opportunities, relational foibles (relationships are my Achilles’ heel), things I have done, and things I wish I wouldn’t have done. And there are some things that I wouldn’t change because, while they may not have been fun to go through, they helped shape and mold me into the person I am.
As I learn and grow, I also change. And so I might look back and think “Oi! I wish I wouldn’t have done that!” It also developed something in my person or strengthened my relationship with God or brought something (or someone) else into my life that I really treasure. Things are so crazily interconnected that it isn’t always to isolate a decision or a path and wish to eliminate the difficulties it brought and not also see how the experience could be a blessing to someone else in some way.
God can do that – take a bad move and make something good come out of it.
Have you ever thought about forgiving yourself? Have you walked the process of giving all of your past, all of your present, and all of your future to God and asking Him to use it all?
the stupid stuff
the evil stuff
the selfish stuff
the reckless stuff
the “I was clueless” stuff
the “I can’t believe I did that” stuff
the “I sure caused a lot of pain to the people I love with that activity” stuff
I always wondered why the chemical process to curl hair was called a “permanent” but it really only lasted about three months. No wonder we are a confused society.
There are times when things are permanent, of course. Sometimes that can be a relief and sometimes it is overwhelming. It depends what it is and it depends on our perspective. Sometimes I get all cozy and comfy in a place – so much so that when it is time to move along, I might stomp my feet a little. I liked it “here”.
But it is all temporary, particularly in light of eternity. The relaxing beach vacation, the place you live, the job you have, the routine of your day…it can change so quickly.
So, for the moment, see who and what is around you. Don’t fret about the future, don’t get stuck in the past, find things to enjoy about where you are and what is happening around you right now. You are in a place where God can teach you so much.
Be present. Be teachable.
We will only be here for a moment.
Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. [Philippians 4:5-7 NIV]
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. [Romans 8:38-39 NIV]
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. [Colossians 3:1-3 NIV]
Yea, yea, yea….some of it may have to do with the choices we made and all that, but sometimes we have done some of the exact same things and yet one of us is living out some challenging consequences and the other is not.
Sometimes where we are has nothing to do with our own choices. In fact, many times it has nothing to do with what we have done. We might experience the benefit or the consequence of someone else’s doing.
We didn’t choose the family or circumstances we were born into nor did we choose our ethnicity or our race. We had no choice about whether we were born into poverty or crazy wealth or a barely functioning family. We didn’t even choose the country we were born in.
And yet all these factors play into our early years, which, in turn, can create a path for our lives.
Life is hard and it definitely isn’t fair.
Some “advantages” aren’t actually advantages but it takes some time to sort that out. And sometimes what we think we see isn’t accurate at all… our own perspectives are often skewed.
Good deeds go unrecognized. Bad behavior appears to be rewarded. Illness doesn’t care if you have the sweetest heart or the most meager of bank accounts or even if you live in a remote village, away from any modern medical services.
I can’t dwell there.
Loss and death and disease are universal and trusting in God’s provision and comfort is the only way I survive. Sharing God’s love and compassion in practical ways is one of the ways I cope and move forward in a positive direction. If I think too much about the injustices of life on Earth without a plan to give and serve, I dwell. If you are feeling a bit overwhelmed by your situation, I have included some Bible verses that are good to memorize. If you are going to dwell anywhere, God’s Word is the place to do it:
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort.” 2 Corinthians 1:3
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5:4
“Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.” Psalm 55:22
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:37-39
“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Romans 12:12
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4
I remember my mom taking us to the specialty shoe story because we all had wide feet and she believed in good shoes for growing feet. I am sure she had sticker shock every time she dragged us in there. The shoes had to fit us now but also be ready for us as we grew. Of course, it was anybody’s guess when the next growth spurt would happen and the hope was to be able to get several months out of the new footwear.
I always like to have a few different kinds of shoes, depending on my activity for the day. So I have my summer sandals, my zories, water shoes, walking shoes, dress up shoes, casual shoes for jeans, and rain boots. And I confess that I bought a pair of shoes because I thought they would be fun to wear in the summer with capris. Now I am embarrassed that I have listed off all those shoes; eight seems a little over the top!
Relationships can be similar to shoes. You likely have a number of them. Each relationship might have a different emphasis – one might be your walking buddy and one might be a work friend and one might be your “play” mate. Some fit in certain settings but not in every setting. And you might meet someone and hit it off immediately but after spending all day together you realize it isn’t a good fit after all. Or you find there isn’t any room to grow. Or they only like to party and you can’t do that all the time.
Chose your shoes and your relationships carefully. It is OK to be cautious on the front end and it is definitely OK to think it over if the relationship doesn’t seem to be a good fit. Others may try to warn you if it is obvious. And if that is what you hear, take heed. Every relationship takes time and energy. And not every relationship we find ourselves in is a good fit. That’s ok. In life there are many opportunities for healthy friendships but sometimes it takes time – trial and error, like trying on shoes at the shoe store.
The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. [Proverbs 12:26 NIV]
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity. [Proverbs 17:17 NIV]
One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. [Proverbs 18:24 NIV]
Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. [Proverbs 27:6 NIV]
Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice. [Proverbs 27:9 NIV]
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. [John 15:12-14 NIV]
I pray the relationships you’re in help you grow and remind you that you are His treasure!
Jesus in Tarcal, HungarDonDon’t be your own worst enemy!
Don’t be your own worst enemy!
If you have a lot of things in your life that you pull the plug on before anyone else does, you might want to dig a little deeper into the why. The time spent on soul searching is valuable. You might be chipping at it daily with devotions and study but sometimes it takes a bit more to uncover what is going on.
Participate in a Christ-centered weekend retreat: you will find you are not alone in your struggles and you might gain some useful tools and insights. God has a lot to say through others.
Schedule your own Christ-centered private retreat: if you get distracted by others and are at the point where you know you need to dig in on your own, do it! God has a lot to say all by Himself! Scouring Scripture can help you see where the “who I want to be” and “who I am” struggle is and you might better understand the “why” behind it.
Talk with a Christ-centered and trustedworthy friend and ask them what they see: but be prepared to hear some observations that surprise you. Their insights might be useful. You don’t have to agree with everything they have said and you don’t have to change everything the point out. But if you are ready for a little soul searching, a true friend is golden: they can see our intentions, our failures, and help us see how we are missing the mark.
We all struggle.
Ignoring it never works. If you are in a space where you don’t want to be and there seems to be a looming path ahead of you, it is likely time to set aside the time to work it out.
God forgives, renews, and restores but there is still consequences that we have to deal with. But knowing His forgiveness, restoration, mercy, grace, and renewal is there can give us the courage to face things we have been avoiding.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” [Joshua 1:9 NIV]
As sinners in a sin full world, we all find ourselves on a broken road. I have a tendency to put good shoes on so I don’t get hurt even though I know I will need to travel down a road. But there are others who fling off every possible protection and run down that broken road, ignoring the glass shards and rusty nails.
These days, I am more cautious…or maybe it is just that I don’t like extra pain.
Do you know someone who seems to always choose the broken road? Be sure to pray for them regularly. If you are in a healthy space yourself and in a position to connect with them, consider that too. They likely need a friend like you, even if they won’t admit it. But you really have to be in a good space to do that so be careful. And know your limitations.
Sometimes we can get caught up in the cycle of brokenness until everything and everyone around us is destroyed. Addiction can do that. Unfortunately, one bad move can jetset us “down the rabbit hole” into chaos and confusion.
Jesus heals the broken — which is each and every one of us and coming to terms with our own brokenness allows us the compassion for others in theirs. It might be easy to think, “I never would have chosen that road.” Except you might have, had your life had a little different look to it.
I am thankful that God is in the business of healing brokenness. Understanding my own need for His mercy and forgiveness helps me be more patient with others in their time of need.
1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. 4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge. 5 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. 6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb; you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. 8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. 9 Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you. 14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God, you who are God my Savior, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. 15 Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare your praise. 16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. 17 My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.
18 May it please you to prosper Zion, to build up the walls of Jerusalem. 19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous, in burnt offerings offered whole; then bulls will be offered on your altar. [Psalm 51 NIV]
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